1. You’re not as detached as you think.
Call it the curse (and blessing) of Sex and the City. Guys finally got the message that just because a woman wants to get naked with him doesn’t mean she wants a marriage proposal. However, it also advanced the idea of unemotional sex, which according to science is more difficult than it seems.

In her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both (Riverhead Hardcover, 2007), author Laura Sessions Stepp highlights research studies that conclude having sex releases a different set of brain chemicals in women than men.

Specifically, women get a large dose of oxytocin, the hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don’t get the oxytocin warm-fuzzies because of testosterone, making it easier for them to “love and leave,” at least biologically speaking.

Stepp says that evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, which can be confusing in our sexually liberated world. So be warned: You may want the sex to be casual… but you could end up with a serious case of attachment.

2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!
Why is this your problem, you may ask? You’re not the one being unfaithful. But do you really want to be the “other woman?” The one who breaks up a relationship and causes another woman’s heartbreak? We’re guessing not.

Even the sneakiest guy can give away clues that he’s taken:
He only gives you his cell phone number and always leaves the room to take calls.
He’s quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never offers up his own digs.
He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods (and not because they’re dangerous).
Suddenly no one has a name. He was out with “the guys” or “people from work.”
He becomes defensive when you ask him questions about his weekend plans, where he hangs out, etc.

Even if you’re not planning a long-term relationship with the guy, you should steer clear of him and his unfaithful ways. And if you’re hoping your night of passion leads to a hand-holding, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, just know that once a cheater, always a cheater.

3. He’s a taker.
“Taking” isn’t always about money. A guy can be a taker in other ways – time, attention, your sexual generosity.

But first, the money: There’s no right or wrong about who pays for dates, as long as you’re both okay with the arrangement. However, if you open your wallet more often than you’d like and you’ve expressed this to him, then it’s probably time to cash in and call it quits.

He may also exploit your attraction in other ways. Can you pick him up from the airport? (Cabs cost so much!) Do his laundry? (He’s out of soap.) Host a couple of his buddies to watch the game? (You’re such a good cook.) Buy his mom a birthday present? (He has no idea what to get.) If any of these sound familiar, you’ve got a taker.

Unfortunately, this attitude usually continues in the bedroom. Don’t expect this guy to be attentive to your needs and preferences – most likely, his pleasure comes first and probably last.

4. He’s clingy.
It’s true that some women like this quality. But too often clingy turns into possessive, demanding and selfish.

Beware of someone who moves at the speed of light when trying to win you over. It’s usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself, or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems. Asking for intimacy too quickly or spilling loads of very personal information could be acts of desperation, and that’s definitely a bad sign in a significant other.

Signs that he’s clingy include:
He calls you several times a day and wants to talk for hours at a time, even when you have important things to do.
He becomes short-tempered or whiny when you want to spend time with anyone else.
He’s excessively close to his mom (or both parents). He may be expecting you to mother him the way she does.

5. He just got out of a relationship.
Timing can be everything. While a rebound relationship might work out for the best, a recent breakup is usually a big, glaring red flag. If you’ve been through a bad split, you know that it takes a long time to completely recover. And if your guy is newly single, he’s still going through the recovery process.

Most likely, he’s not ready for another long-term commitment, even if he thinks he is. Without knowing it, he may be seeking another relationship to prove to himself that he is still desirable and worthy of love and affection… especially if he didn’t initiate the breakup. He could also be looking for validation that he wasn’t at fault.

In short, he may be using you to fill his loneliness, whether he realizes it or not. Of course, guys aren’t always that introspective and may take a far simpler approach. You know those movies in which a guy’s buddies tell him he has to “nail some chick” to heal his broken heart? Don’t be that chick. Not unless you’re 100% sure your interest in him lies only below the belt.

6. He’s bad in bed.
Alas, usually you don’t discover this until you’re already in bed. However, there are clues that you’re in for a ho-hum hump.

First, think twice if he’s a bad kisser. Men who are terrible kissers are rarely good in bed. Perhaps it’s because they never learned proper technique, or they think they kiss just fine. If it’s the latter, he’s not going to be receptive to constructive criticism in bed.

Also, does he seem more interested in “scoring” than in you? Some guys are simply looking to add another notch to their bedpost. Men like this probably won’t take the time to find out what works for you between the sheets. Instead of a steamy, sexy romp, you could get a “wham-bam, thank ya, ma’am.”

Beware of factors that could take the wind out of his sails: he smokes, he’s taking medications for depression, he has a big belly, he’s not getting enough sleep. Any or all of these could result in erectile dysfunction. Unless he’s willing to compensate with other activities, your night of passion won’t end with a bang.

7. STDs
Unfortunately, women are more susceptible to STDs than men. It has nothing to do with promiscuity; women are simply more vulnerable to infection than men because of our anatomy. It’s easier for men to transmit infections to women than vice versa. STDs are also more difficult to detect in women.

There are more than 25 known STDs – some curable (chlamydia, gonorrhea), some not (HPV, herpes, HIV/AIDS). Many can be transmitted through oral sex – you’re not playing it any safer that way. In fact, having unprotected oral sex puts you at especially high risk for gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and hepatitis B. Condoms offer partial but not total protection against genital warts and genital herpes.

All this is enough to make a girl stay home and exclusively date Ben & Jerry. However, there’s no reason to swear off sex. Just go armed with condoms and questions about your future bedmate’s sexual history.

8. You’re drunk.
There are SO many reasons why this is a big don’t. Being intoxicated usually results in regrettable behavior and poor decisions. Like swinging from a chandelier… or forgoing a condom.

Between STDs, pregnancy risks and generally unscrupulous guys, being drunk isn’t the best time to make decisions about whom to, ahem, open yourself up to.

Those three Long Island iced teas may give you the courage to approach the hot guy you’ve been eyeing. But how do you know he really likes you? After all, your judgment is impaired. To him, you could be the slutty, sloshed girl who he hopes won’t puke in his bed.

Need another reason not to boink while under the influence? In the era of Web cams and sex tapes, your drunken fling may not stay private.

9. You’re not over your ex.
The same issues from 5 apply to women, too. Breakups are painful, and too often we try to forget that pain by getting naked with a new guy. (See related article: Are You Over Your Ex?)

However, jumping back into the dating scene may not be the bandage your broken heart needs, says Sandra Ann Miller, author of A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him (SAME Ink, 2006). And sleeping with someone else isn’t revenge on your ex… unless your new flame is George Clooney.

“Put yourself on a guy diet for a while, and put all the attention on yourself,” Miller says. Hang out with friends, pick up interests or hobbies that have been neglected – in general, get to know yourself again.

As for the new guy, if he’s as great as you think, he won’t shut you out for not putting out. Become friends first, so when you’re ready to take it to the next level, you’ll know it’s for the right reason

10. You’re not even attracted to him.
Sometimes we sleep with people we’re simply not attracted to. Maybe you’re lonely, bored or looking for confirmation that you’re desirable. In which case, you’re using him.

Despite positive portrayals of strong, sexy women who bed down with men casually, this may not be good for your mental health, particularly if you’re feeling vulnerable enough to have sex with a guy you don’t even like. In that case, the only person you’ll end up hurting is you.

You might think that shagging someone you don’t like will make you feel attractive and empowered, but those feelings are fleeting. Chances are you’ll actually end up feeling used, empty or guilty. The underlying problem hasn’t been addressed. And what about his feelings? You may not be attracted to him, but he could be hoping to develop a relationship with you.

Seek out a therapist’s help; he or she can help you figure out why you’re engaging in potentially destructive behavior.

Should You See A Sex Therapist?
Never in the mood? Unsatisfied in the bedroom? Got intimacy issues? Constantly fighting with your partner about sex or the lack thereof? Your sex life may benefit from some professional help.

Ask yourself: Do you want a man? Or do you need a man?

This is a vital question.

You see, I get a lot of letters from women who say they just can't face another birthday "alone." I get these letters from 25-year-old women, 32-year-old women, 48-year-old women, and 60-year-old women.

They don't want a man. They need a man.

There's a big difference in needing a man and wanting one, let me tell you. It makes all the difference in whether you attract a man who'll love you and make your happiness a priority, or a man who'll fulfill his own wants and needs first (and leave you waiting around).

Men pick up on women who like men, who want one but don't necessarily need one, and they act accordingly.

They also pick up (like radar!) women who need a man, who are freaking out about being single, and they act accordingly.

So...what vibe are you giving off?

If you fall into the "needing" category, admit it. There's no need to be ashamed. From this day on, cultivate the happiness, self-reliance, and self-love that will attract the good man you deserve.

Happy women who love and respect themselves attract men who love and respect them and want to keep them happy.

How do you do become one of these women?

Start by treating yourself like a treasure yet to be discovered. Speak to yourself as you would a beloved child. If you're in the habit of saying things like, "It's just my luck...," "I'm so stupid," or "I'm destined to be alone," stop. Immediately.

Change your words: "I love and accept myself unconditionally," "I am a treasure yet to be discovered," "I am attracting good men, good friends, and happy circumstances."

Every single day treat yourself as you would the person you love most in the world. I'm not talking about conceit. If it helps, think about how you would treat the most fabulous boyfriend in the world, and treat yourself that way.

Above all, know that there will still be times when you are unsure of yourself, when you don't have all the answers, when you walk into a room of strangers and feel a little scared. This is okay. This is human.

Love yourself anyway.

You will soon find yourself attracting better men, better friends, and happy circumstances.

Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful:

1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,” offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying “the nose knows” might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. “If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,” Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: “If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”

5. He becomes suspicious of you. “If he’s normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom,” says Vranich. “It’s the result of him realizing that if he’s cheating and it’s not that hard, you might also be getting away with it.” Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent “How was work today?” queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he’s terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your sex life hasn’t fallen off, that’s no guarantee that he’s faithful. “It’s a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily sexual. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship,” says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

I took a lot of random courses in college, but the on of the most random was "Religion and the American Wilderness". This History course was based on the early settlers and their fear of the American wilderness as they pioneered into the unknown. In European folklore, the wilderness represented the unknown and was an extension of mystery, magic, and even evil (see Hansel and Gretel).

In reflection, I realize that the European stereotype of the wilderness mirrors our stereotypes of the opposite gender. In a sense, the opposite gender is the unknown, and it's mysterious.

We spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the opposite gender is thinking and doing. Stereotypes grow out of lack of understanding of a group of people.

Looking back, I realize that my "8 Ways I'm Like a Woman" post was based on stereotype. Men and women fall into the trap of stereotyping one another because they will never truly understand one another-but this mystery also keeps us intrigued.

In this post, I'm going to explore some stereotypes that women have about guys. Then, in the next post, I'll take a look at stereotypes that guys have about women.

What women think about us...

We are all out for sex.
Sadly, sometimes this is true. A lot of guys are after one thing, and they can be very transparent about that. From the time I was in middle school, the older guys talked about conquest and "getting laid" as a measurement for how much of a man I was. This belief is passed down again and again. Luckily, at some point, I figured I'd use other things to define my manhood, or I just didn't care about being a "man" in the eyes of other men.

We like to be in control.
This is an intimidating proposition for single women who are trying to find their way. Tradition states that men are the ones who ask out the women, men choose where to go for the dates during fledgling relationships, and men pay more of the time. Personally, I don't feel like I need to be in control all the time-I like to be in control of my own life, but not other people's lives. Control will always be a major issue in relationships.

We Fear Commitment
I can tell you that I do fear commitment. Commitment means that I've decided that the woman I'm settling down with is perfect and there is no one else out there for me. Commitment means I've found my soul mate, that I am completely secure with myself, and that there should be no going back. I don't know about you, but all of that is pretty heavy. I think the old adage: "girls mature faster than boys" comes into play here. Commitment is a sign of maturity and it just takes some of us longer.

We think we are good in bed.
Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you're confident it will turn out ok. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know. I, for one, am the first to admit to a girl that her body/mind mystify me and I am humble before them. The whole time I'm doing stuff, I'm saying to myself: "I hope she likes it..." But I have a feeling that a lot of guys are thinking: "there's on way she doesn't like what I'm doing".

If it weren't for society, we wouldn't change our underwear.
OK, you're right. We wouldn't.

We like big boobs.
Yes, we are fascinated with them-again-because they are the unknown. We don't have them! I know plenty of guys who like big boobs; I like checking out big boobs, but I don't know many guys who have big boobs on their list of requirements for their soul mate. In fact, there are plenty of guys out there that prefer smaller boobs.

What stereotypes do you and your girlfriends have about guys? Are there any that you think are truer than others?

Here are some of the stereotypes that guys have about women:

Women are crazy.
I tried for a long time to make sense out of women's actions and statements. Once I accepted that women were "crazy," (many older guys had insisted they were for years) it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as "crazy," it makes it easier to deal. We don't really think women are insane, we just say it so we can be done thinking about their antics and move on.

PMS makes women angry.
One time when I was working at a café over the summer in college with a guy and a girl who were friends of mine, the girl was clearly cranky early on morning while she cut bread. My friend and I, always eager to annoy her, swooped in. Eventaully my buddy said what every guy has said at some point in his life:

"Uh oh, Rich, must be that time of the month."

She turned to him, brandished the bread knife in his face and said:

"GET A LIFE."

But sometimes when we've done wrong or want to make sense out of why a girl is mad at us, we try to blame it on possible PMS. Honestly, sometimes a woman's anger does look hormonal. I have said something to a girl one day that she laughs at, but then a week later she bites my head off when I say the same thing. But I've learned not to make things worse by suggesting that she's PMSing.

Women want to settle down.
Guys keep a close tab on their friends and how much pressure they are getting to marry their girlfriends. We also notice our friends that are girls who seem to panic as their girlfriends get married one by one. So, guys are very sensitive to the fact that women want to settle down and are more vocal about it than guys. There is even a biological argument: guys sometimes assume that women want to have children more than anything, especially as they get older. We meet plenty of women who don't project that they want to settle down, but we assume most women really want to settle down.

Women are impractical.
The day after Christmas, my sisters, mom, and nieces packed up the car and went shopping with their gift cards. The guys in my family could think of nothing worse than smacking up the mall the day after Christmas. I have four pairs of shoes: ranging from casual to dressy. My sister had about ten boxes of shoes when I helped her move. Who needs all those shoes? You get the point-sometimes we look at what women like to do and we just think it's impractical.

Women don't understand sports.
Luckily, I grew up with two sisters who were Division I college athletes and my mom is still obsessed with the Baltimore Colts (they left Baltimore in 1984). Gossip GirlSo, I know women love sports. But are they as obsessed with sports like guys are? I read about sports every day, and go over stats. And I do find myself telling my sisters about University of Virginia and Boston College teams-where they went to school. There is no reason women wouldn't understand or know sports like guys do if they were as obsessed. I just think guys across the board are more sports obsessed than women are.

Women like bad entertainment.
When I come into the apartment and my sister is sitting there watching Real World versus Road Rules challenge, I implore her to lower the volume. I can't stand to hear those people speak. I love History Channel and Discovery Channel and important sporting events. My sisters love Us Weekly and websites like OMG. I like to read Wikipedia and read about music. Well, maybe I find Gossip Girl strangely intriguing when my sister is watching it, and I like Us Weekly too. And sometimes I get stuck watching terrible Lifetime movies for hours...OK, maybe everyone secretly likes all this stuff.

What are some of the stereotypes that men believe about women that bother you? Did I miss any, and do you think any might be truer than others?

Let's face it, sometimes a friendship turns into a sexual relationship, whether for one night only, or a few months. It might turn out that both parties want to go back to being friends. Is there a way to maintain the friendship after you have had sex with each other? Yes, it is possible, but it requires work and these little bits of advice. Don't worry, apply these steps on how to maintain a friendship after sex, and then see where you are at in your friendship.

Step1
Talk to each other immediately after you have decided to stop having sex. Start to act like you used to before the romantic involvement was there. If you are really close, then ask each other how the other person is feeling about stopping the sexual involvement.

Step2
Be careful when it comes to dating other people right away. Although you may not love each other in 'that' way, one of you might have feelings that get hurt when the other rushes off immediately into a sexual relationship with someone else. Be kind and respect each other.

Step3
Continue to spend time together, but always include other friends so that you don't get into an awkward and intimate situation. Socialize and enjoy everyone. Turn your focus to building other friendships, but continue with your friendship with each other, if that's what you both want.

Step4
Maintain your regular schedule and keep going on with your lives. It's alright to do things together, but avoid getting together every day. You will only be tempted to have sex with each other. This is hurtful if one of you wants to continue the intimate relationship, while the other wants a platonic friendship.

Step5
Plan activities with each other like going to events. Do things together that do not fall into the dating category like movies, dinner and drinks.

Here are some pointers in pampering a guy.

Step1
When he asks you to do something do it. If he asks every five minutes you may have the wrong man.

Step2
Let him have his space to watch Nascar or Football. Allow him to have his own room or metal building for his projects. Everyone really needs an office even if it's a corner in the bedroom. Don't try to take his hobbies or goals out of his life. Let him listen to heavy metal music. Let him be his own person.

Step3
Show some interest in his hobbies and if it's something you'd really like to try then do try it. However, do not become consumed in something you really don't have an interest in. This will annoy and bore him. If you don't have an interest in Nascar the most you need to do is let him watch it on t.v. or go once in awhile with him to a race while allowing him to go on his own too.

Step4
Let him talk and listen. Have reasonable feedback. At the same time don't be afraid to help him open doors, just don't be pushy.

Step5
Stop nagging for a day.

Step6
Let him rest, let him sleep, at least once in awhile.

Step7
Rub his back, his kneck. Touch him sensually.

Step8
Spoil him rotten in bed.

Step9
Feed him. Feed him good.

Step10
Wash him. Yes, give him a bath.

Step11
Hold him, but don't smother him if you can help it.

Step12
Enlighten him and allow him to enlighten you.

Step13
Let him have friends. Be nice to them.

Step14
Even if you are a stay at home mom or you work more hours than he does you should still encourage him to go somewhere even if it's just to the hardware store without you and the kids. You'll get your turn.

Step15
Seduce him often even when seduction is all there is time for at the moment.

Step16
Help him. Hand him wrenches, whatever just help him.

Step17
Remind him to relax.

Step18
Let him have his toys when he can afford them.

Step19
Tell him he's the hottest man you know. Notice when he's shaved or cut his hair. Notice when he's looking his best. Comment on his perfect body when he's changing clothes. Make him feel wanted.

Step20
Respect him always. He doesn't have to be with you.

The first step is to adjust your mentality and recognize the situation:

• You are not ruining someone's life; they will get over you some day.

• If you don't break up quickly and honestly, it's unfair to you and the other person.

• If you are even thinking about breaking up with someone, it's probably time to do it. Would you want to be with someone who was having second thoughts while you were madly in love with them?

• It's going to be ugly and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

What's the best way to break up? There is probably no best way. But there are a number of tactics that can help make it easier for both parties (even though both parties may not recognize it at the time). Here are some good tactics to use for a "clean" break:

1. Make It Fast
The longer you take to get to the point (whether it's hours or days), the less they will take you seriously. And if you make it look like you're having a hard time going through with the breakup, they will think they can change your feelings or stick around in your life.

2. Be Honest
Don't sugarcoat the situation. If you're seeing someone else, tell them you're seeing someone else. My little sister broke up with a live-in boyfriend because she kissed another guy during a business trip. She told her boyfriend the deal -- it made it more concrete. Avoid cliche's like "I love you, I'm just not in love with you." Guys don't understand this stuff. If you've lost feelings for them, just say it. They can't argue with that. And avoid covering up -- "I just can't be in a relationship right now." Sure you can -- if you were still really into him, you'd be in a relationship with him.

3. Don't Feel Sorry for Anyone
People will beg, cry, get angry, or shower you with guilt. Just keep going, try to ward off your guilt. It's just going to slow you down and prevent you from getting to your objective. And never take someone back, or cancel breaking up because you feel sorry for them. Do you really want to stay with someone you feel sorry for?

4. Set Post-Breakup Rules
Let them know the deal: you won't be answering their calls or emails. You won't be accommodating them if they show up at your apartment. Eventually, if they have any personality and independence, they will stop bothering you -- but only if you stick to these rules. If you lay these rules out at the time of breakup, then they can't say: "why are you ignoring my calls?" Don't tell them what they are allowed to do -- they can call you all they want, but if you have stated you won't be answering their calls then you are well within your rights when you don't pick up.

5. Stick With It
The more you take them back, the less seriously they'll take your breakup attempts.

6. Neutral Site
Never do it at your place. You want to be able to leave on your own time. Neutral places are the easiest locations to make a quick getaway. The longer you've been together, the more likely it is that you'll be required to do it in person.
Breaking up takes strength. I have found that people who can't break up with someone they are no longer into are somewhat weak. Do what you want to do, and don't get swayed by the situation or the other person.

Don't ever expect to find the love of your life after a one-night stand or random make-out. These events are phenomena where everything seems magical and then suddenly shuts off — much like Cinderella loses her game at midnight.

But it happens to the best of us. So here are some do's and don'ts for not only keeping the morning-after awkwardness to a minimum, but also keeping it as smooth and as painless as possible:

Do not linger in bed hungover. I'm foul when I'm hungover, so I am sure others are too. You can't contaminate someone's bed with that. Do everything you can to get home and fester in your own bed. People have things to do over the weekend. I've had friends actually complain about their serious girlfriends staying in their bed hungover too long!

Do pay attention to when the magic is over. The strangest thing about the random encounter is that point somewhere in the wee hours of the morning where the magic wears off. Maybe it's when those first birds start chirping and the reality of the event has set in. Or maybe it's when you're lying next to random make-out person with morning breath. When the magic's over, it's time to go.

Do not call/text your friends in bed. Not only does this log more hours for you in the bed, but it's rude to just start contacting others while you're both lying there. Talk about my terrible lovemaking skills when I'm not next to you!

Do make a fast getaway. I've never heard a guy or girl complain that someone left too fast, but I have heard both guys and girls complain that someone stuck around too long.

Do not look around the room too much. You might find a picture of a girlfriend ... or something worse.

Do turn on the TV, immediately upon waking up. If you're too hungover or stunned to get up, pray that they have a TV in the bedroom and — if your prayers are answered — turn that sucker on. It provides a distraction, and may just spark up conversation in an otherwise awkward environment.

Do not create a morning clothing hunt. This is tough to do in the heat of the moment, but just remember that when you fling your bra into the rafters and other articles of clothing become entwined in the bed sheets, you will have to spend several agonizing minutes gathering everything up in the morning.

Do not go on a breakfast date. It's a shame that these random encounters should end quickly, with no fanfare. But if you do go to breakfast, you both better be sure you're kind of into each other. The majority of these things don't end with breakfast, so that one that does might unfairly set expectations for a follow-up date when there are no intentions.

Do make fun of your now shabby outfit. So your sequined dress, six-inch stilettos, and runny mascara may cause a stir when you walk out of his house and past the neighborhood church at 9 a.m. on Sunday, but what else can you do but laugh at yourself and ease the pain with some self-deprecation? It's much more endearing if you laugh it off instead of trying to take yourself seriously.

Do not take my shirts. I've washed and worn these shirts to perfect softness, and they all have some meaning to me. And how do girls have a knack for stealing my favorite clothes anyway?

Do try to find some closure. Be realistic. You can exchange numbers, but don't try to set times for when you guys will speak again. Does anything really grow out of random nights spent with random people? Give each other a hug, wish each other well, and don't say anything about calling, and don't believe him when he mutters that he will call you. If one of you calls the other later, then cross that bridge when you come to it.

Do expect him to get you at least to the door. He should take you all the way out of the bed, out of the apartment/house, and to the vehicle you are taking to get home. It's just common courtesy. If he doesn't, wait until you are out of his bed and then get on your cell and bitch about him to your friends.


The main thing about random hookups is managing expectations. If you can do it with a sense of humor, high efficiency, and low expectations, you can usually emerge unscathed.

Do you agree or disagree with these rules? What rules would you add to this list?

Good communication is often the key to a successful relationship. But both partners must be willing to work at it. Good communication is not something that is mastered overnight; it is a skill that needs to be maintained. Here are some guidelines.

1. Most problems in a relationship are caused when one partner does not want to hear or understand what the other says. Sit down with your partner and talk about the communication problem you feel you're having.

2. Communication problems can occur with both the receiver and the sender. Try this exercise: Each partner should say something to the other. Then each of you should write down a few sentences describing your feelings about the other's statement. Compare what each of you wrote and discuss.

3. Read a reputable self-help book on communication within relationships. Browse bookstores or online, or ask friends for recommendations.

4. Seek professional help. This is often the best strategy when encountering relationship problems beyond your expertise. Counselors offer non-biased opinions, and can help resolve issues quickly.

5. Consult your health insurance policy to determine if counseling is covered. Usually a counselor has to be certified for insurance purposes.

Maintaining romance in a long-term relationship takes planning and creativity. It’s not just enough to say “I love you” every so often. You and your partner need to work at keeping the romance alive. If you both make the commitment to maintain the romance, it will lead to a more satisfying, loving relationship for both of you.

1. Talk to your partner about your relationship. If you have trouble getting started, there are many self-help books available or you could go to a counselor. No matter how you get started, having an open conversation with your partner about your relationship is key.

2. Create a list of what you each want in your relationship, such as more sex, time away from the kids, and more affection. Then determine how you can achieve those goals. If you or your partner want some time away from the kids, figure out together how to make it happen, such as arranging for the kids to stay overnight at a relative’s house. If you or your partner want more sex, look at the week and schedule it in. This may not sound very romantic but you can lead up to the night with flowers, love notes, and the anticipation of being together. You may need to rearrange things on the calendar to fit in your night together but if it is important to you and your partner, you will make the time.

3. Create another list of things you would enjoy doing together, such as a candlelight dinner, sitting in the hot tub, watching a romantic movie, taking a walk at night or going dancing. Choose something from the list to start with and do it.

4. Remember that romance is ongoing, but be realistic. No one can be romantic all the time, but a little can go a long way.

My friends and I have spent many a long night brainstorming that magic formula of characteristics that drives the ladies wild. It is impossible to know just what the mixture is supposed to be, but is there one characteristic that can work alone to make a guy really attractive?

Here are the nine characteristics we've come up with:

Sense of Humor

Everyone says how important sense of humor is, and I have learned to look for it in women. I am lucky enough to be able to make women laugh, but I'm still super single.

Trustworthy

Trust is the holy grail of a relationship. It takes years to build it, and it is so delicate. There are few things that take so long to attain that can be destroyed so quickly. So a lot of us may finally settle on a very trustworthy person when we finally find that.

Kindness

This seems like a no-brainer, but I've seen plenty of girls stay with guys who don't treat them well. So, I'm thinking that most women look for a nice guy, but the fact of the matter is that mean guys seem to get girlfriends too-and at a better rate than nice guys.

Money

I admit it: I sometimes envision myself marrying rich and sitting there doing nothing. I could lie out on my wife's yacht and host lavish parties and hear about how crazy the Roaring 20's were, when my wife's friends were my age. Money is definitely high on a lot of people's list: remember when Anna Nicole Smith married that really old rich guy? I doubt it was because she thought he was hot, funny, or great in the sack.

Super Hot

As much as we hate to admit it, the first thing we notice about someone else is how good or bad they look. But one of the first lessons we learn in the dating world is as beautiful as someone is on the outside, they could be ugly on the inside.


Confident

Confidence is based on a lot of these characteristics. You are confident if you are talented, super hot, intelligent, or wealthy most likely. But confidence also enables you to treat people better, so you are kind and trustworthy as well. Because confidence includes so many of these other characteristic, it may just be the one major thing women look for in a man.


Talented & Passionate

When someone possesses a special skill, such as visual art or guitar virtuosity, they get tons of girls. People like Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, and Tom Brady can go out with anyone they want because they are skilled. Heck, I'd go out with them. Usually skill occurs in tandem with passion, another attractive quality. When someone is really good at something, but not "hot," it makes sense that they can still attract a lot of women. It's less annoying to see someone like this in a relationship than it is to see a rich mean guy in a relationship.

Intelligent

I am intimidated by women who are more intelligent than I am (which explains why I'm intimidated by about 97% of the female population). For a lot of people, intelligence is sexy. When someone is stupid, it's frustrating and boring, which is enough to drive someone away.

Convenient

One can argue that convenience is a huge driver for a relationship. Does he live near you, is he "ready" to be in a relationship, does he want to have kids or not? Everything matches up correctly. Sure, he may not be the best-looking guy or have a lot of money, but it's just what you need and it's been a long, difficult search.

If we put these characteristics on a pie chart, what would get the biggest piece of the pie with you? Again, some of these characteristics occur together: intelligence and wealth, talent and passion, kindness and generosity, convenience and wealth.

How often do women care about superficial things like money? It's scary, but sometimes I fear that no matter how funny I am, if I had lots of money I could date any cute girl I wanted.

How do all of these characteristics shake out for you when choosing a boyfriend, and are there any you'd add to the list? Does confidence just take all of these characteristics into consideration?

Throughout the years, men have always asked me, "How do I make that first date as perfect as she expects it to be?"

I've come up with a checklist of some of my favorite first-date tactics that will leave her glowing at the end of the night. In fact, these are so good, she'll be texting or calling you within the next 24 hours expecting more of the same!

1. It's OK to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. She dreads a potentially boring, four-course ordeal, too!

2. Always call her by early evening on Tuesday to confirm a Wednesday get-together -- it's the polite thing to do and it lets her know you're already thinking about her.

3. Be sure to leave both your home and work phone numbers. If you don't leave your home number, she might assume you have a wife or girlfriend. If you don't leave any number, she'll wonder what game you're playing.

4. If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not want an overdressed, overstressed woman navigating in high heels on a sunset beach walk.

5. Always listen to what she has to say, and make sure you wait until she's done talking before responding.

6. Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she looks -- she wants to hear it from you. Don't go overboard, though, or she might think you're insincere

7. Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, great shoes, cell phone turned off, and unchapped lips make her more apt to lock lips with you that night.

8. Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 10 guys asked that. Be original and instead fill your iPod with a great mix of music that expresses your style.

9. Tip well. Believe me, she'll be watching.

10. Reading body language is simple: If she touches your arm, she's interested. If she touches your leg, she's interested tonight. If she leans away from you the whole night, she is not interested at all.

11. Very small gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman. When you drop her off at her house, be sure to wait the extra 30 seconds while she gets inside (and next time you might be going in with her!).

12. Women need momentum. Without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have lost it, too. Follow up with a phone call the next night. Even more important, ask her out at the end of the date. Don't play games or wait.

13. Never look at another woman when you are on a date. If she catches your wandering eye, you are done.

1. You're Stopping Them Mid-Approach:

You're in a store where someone is checking you out -- someone you've also noticed and found attractive. Then that someone decides to approach you, but the minute they take their first step in your direction, your phone rings... and you answer it. Not only do you answer it, but you proceed to have the same unimportant, repetitive conversation with the friend who called you. By doing this, you have stopped someone who's already interested in you from approaching -- and they probably won't wait around to do it a second time.

2. You're Totally Programmed:

Let's put you in that same store, and that same person you are attracted to walks right by you and smiles just as you receive a text message on your phone. What do you do? Instead of reacting to what's going on around you and reciprocating with a smile, you react like Pavlov's dog to the "ding" of the incoming text and immediately look at your cell phone to find out who texted you. Not only did you miss that potential mate smiling at you, but by not acknowledging their smile, the potential mate will believe you are not interested and will walk away (and likely never smile at you again).

3. You're Never "Here":

You could be out with a group of your friends in a place filled with singles you would want to meet. Instead of being present and talking with the singles around you, you are devoting all your attention to a full-blown conversation you're having with another friend via text message on your cell phone. Meanwhile, a single man or single woman whom you may have been interested in comes over and starts talking to your group. You're so involved in your text message conversation that you don't even notice. When you don't acknowledge that potential mate, he or she will assume you're not interested and will walk away.

4. It Never Occurs to You to Look:

It's not that you don't leave your home. You're in the grocery store, the gym, the bookstore, the coffee shop, or the dry cleaners every day. So when I hear singles say that they "never see anyone" to meet, I know immediately that they're not "seeing" anyone because they're simply not looking. If people want to meet a love match so badly, why aren't they looking? Well, because you can now do virtually everything right from the palm of your hand, many people never stop checking their email, making business calls, doing Internet research, and sending text messages. So even though they're out in public, they miss everything (and everyone) around them. They also never interact with anyone. They don't look at people, smile at people, or flirt with people. Is it any wonder they're not meeting anyone?

5. You Make Your Date a "Third Wheel":

You've met someone you think you might really like, and you go out on a date with them. So there you are enjoying their company and feeling like there might be an amazing potential connection. Then the red light on your phone starts flashing or your phone starts vibrating. What do you do? Despite the fact that you're in the middle of a great date, you just can't resist picking up your phone to see who sent you that text. When you do this, you immediately turn off your date.

“Nobody likes having a date interrupted by text messages”

Nobody likes having a date interrupted by text messages, and nobody likes to feel that their date's attention is not focused on them. Your date will feel like a "third wheel." You've also shown your date that your first priority will always be your phone.

Start being conscious of how much time you spend glued to your cell phone. Just think how many potential matches you may have completely missed who wanted to meet you. Start paying attention to what's going on around you in actuality. You won't believe what (and who) you've been missing!

It's the feeling that wells up inside when a date speaks highly of an attractive coworker or when your soul mate seems a little too happy to see an ex at a party -- it's dating jealousy and it can take hold of you so fast and so hard that it leaves you and your relationship destroyed. Don't let jealousy take over your life: Follow these dating steps toward overcoming the green-eyed monster in you.

1. Leave the Players and the Flirts Behind

“One of the best ways to overcome jealousy is to not get involved with flirts and players.”

One of the best ways to overcome jealousy is to not get involved with flirts and players. There are singles out there who will thrive on making you jealous because they like the dating drama and attention. If you're jealous, they know that you are constantly obsessing over them and dwelling on them. By provoking your jealousy, they've just made themselves the center of your universe. Instead, be smart -- kick them out of your universe and find a better date.

2. Determine if You're Jealous in This Relationship or Every Relationship

In order to overcome jealousy, you've got to figure out whether you're being real or being paranoid. Normal jealousy can actually serve a purpose. It's there to alert you to a partner's possible infidelity -- a threat to the relationship. Is your relationship actually being threatened or is the jealousy in your head only? A good way to figure out if there's a basis to your jealousy is to reflect on your past relationships. Are you always jealous even if you haven't had a reason to be? Do you have trust issues in every relationship or just this one? Also, talk to some friends or family who can be objective about the situation and help you sort out your jealous feelings -- a counselor can also be helpful with this.

3. Get Confident in Dating

The source of a lot of the jealousy has nothing to do with what your date does; it lies within you. If you're upset because your date drools a little when he or she sees a fashion model or celebrity in a magazine, don't start comparing yourself to that image. Work on your dating confidence and focus on all you have to offer. Then, your envy of others will dramatically decrease.

4. Talk It Through

Learn to communicate your jealous feelings in a healthy way. For instance, let your mate know that you're jealous about the amount of time the attractive coworker gets to spend with him or her. Make sure as you're talking, you're not accusing. Accusing makes any person defensive, and you won't get anywhere

5. Draw the Line

Particularly, if you are in a monogamous relationship with someone, you need to establish what behaviors are acceptable to you and what behaviors will bring out the green-eyed monster in you. Are you okay with your partner constantly texting a single man -- or single woman? Will that send you over the edge? How do you feel about your partner dancing with someone else at a club when you aren't around?

“Establishing reasonable boundaries and respecting them gets both of you on the same playing field.”

Establishing reasonable boundaries and respecting them gets both of you on the same playing field. The keyword here is reasonable. Setting a boundary like "Don't talk to any single men -- or single women -- you work with" is an impossible and smothering line to draw.

6. Strengthen Your Relationship in Other Ways

If you're overly jealous when there isn't a whole lot of reason to be, it means that your relationship isn't as strong as it should be. You need to evaluate what's lacking. Are you not spending enough quality time together? Has the passion died down over the years? Once you identify what's really concerning you, then you can address it with your partner and work on strengthening the relationship rather than wasting time and energy on empty jealous feelings.